He didn't stop there...

On Sunday - November 22nd - I had a 'God-moment'. It's taken me awhile to decide if I should share it with you all as it's fairly personal. But I think I should.

I was sitting in church...we'd sung "Great is Thy Faithfulness" - one of my favourites! And I was just thinking really...and He surprised me.

I was thinking about getting back to Haiti, and giving my missionary family the gifts I've started to collect for them...

That led to deeper thinking...or bitter-sweeting ;) I guess you could call it.

While the first thought was giving me joy a second thought, a much deeper, darker thought coursed through the channels of my mind. This bitter thought was a reminder of my loneliness (writing it here it was probably an attack from Satan) because as soon as I felt the 'sting' of that thought I started wishing I was married and had someone special to give gifts to or even some special someones.

I was feeling thus, when I heard His gentle whisper.

He called my name. "Elida."

"Yes", I breathed out the question.

"I love you."

I smiled.

But He didn't stop there. He knew I needed to hear more. He knew I needed to hear truth.

"I love you more than you can fathom."

At this point I had goose-bumps and was awash with overwhelming thankfulness...

But He didn't stop there.

"I know you are lonely, and scared of growing old, of growing old without kids."

At this point I started to cry - these were all true, but things I barely admitted to myself. I waited breathlessly to see if He would stop there? With my fears? With my failings? With my frustrations?

But He didn't stop there. He continued:

"I know this - all of it - and I want you to know..."

Yes, yes? Lord, what DO You want me to know?

"It's OK...It's going to BE OK...I've got a beautiful plan for your life."

A fall back to His promise in Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." He had given me this verse when I was a teenager, struggling in a barren place. And here He was reminding me of it once again.

But He didn't stop there.

"Remember - I love you."

I was almost crying out loud at this point.

But He didn't stop there.

"And I love to give good and perfect gifts to My children. Just as you, My precious child, get so much enjoyment out of blessing others with your gift of giving which I've given you."

There.

There is where He stopped.

Not until He had spoken to me with words of affirmation, not until He had stripped me bare, not until He had voiced the fears I try to hide, not until He had let me KNOW His plans, not until He had offered me a glimpse of Who He is - LOVE. Not until then, did He stop. Not until this one tired, frightened, lonely child of His KNEW she was LOVED in the deepest way possible.