Shut Up to Faith

Wow...the past 3 months - June, July, and August have been rather turbulent to say the least.

I have had two hospital stays and been in the Emergency Department (ED) countless times.

Don't worry I'm OK, just having some mood swings and LOTS of pain due to the costochondritis which was diagnosed last year and I was assured would only last 2-3 weeks - well here I am 9 months in and STILL having heart attack like chest pains. Let me tell you - NOT FUN! I have noticed that since I've calmed down a bit, am not working, and am in a low humid climate the pain has decreased quite a bit. Amazingly.

I have also been having pain related to fibromyalgia which I was just diagnosed with while on vacation in...ISRAEL...that trip was wonderful and wow...wow...wow...so beautiful. I fell in love with Jesus on that trip...but I digress...I've had symptoms of fibromyalgia now for 15 years - hard to believe but it's true. I am hoping to get some medical treatment for that while here in the States. I am currently trying the "water cure" - but I am having a hard time drinking the right amount of water (6-8 glasses)

I have also been diagnosed with a tumor on my left ovary. I am currently waiting for insurance so that I can have surgery. Recently I was also told that I may have endometriosis.

I have been put on medication to help with the mood swings - ha - I keep saying - let's look at this logically - I am a woman number one - we HAVE mood swings; number two - I am homesick for Haiti - I was back ONE week before coming to the States for what was supposed to be a week long trip and has now no end in sight; number three I have a tumor on an ovary any chance that could be messing with my hormones? OF COURSE IT COULD!; number four I have fibromyalgia which causes pains to come and go; number five I STILL have joint pain from chikungunya - it went away for a few weeks in Israel during the first part of June but has been back now and seems to be worse in the mornings - my fingers, and feet are especially painful; number six I have am plagued by fatigue.

So while I take my medication for mood swings and talk nicely to my therapists - I really don't think that it is a whole lot more than a combination of the afore mentioned things, and am praying that someday I will be free from both the medications and the psychiatric visits.


So KNOW that you've read through all of the 'downers', let's look at some of the positives :D

#1. I have been saved since I was 5 years old, but it wasn't until I was in Israel that I literally FELL IN LOVE with Jesus. I don't know how else to explain it. He has loved me SO much. But it was if for the first time I began to see His hand in the details of my life, not just what He had done 2,000+ years ago, and not the amazing ways He's taken care of me since then, but just seeing His hand in EVERY aspect of my days, of hearing His sweet voice whisper in my ear: "Dodi (my beloved), I love you." Of seeing Him in a whole new way.

#2. While in Israel, it was as if my life was a mural on the wall, and God just took away the curtain and revealed so much to me - not only of what I had been through but of where He was leading if I would but follow - ISRAEL. Israel is the next step, the next stage, the next 'next' of God's plan for me. I don't know a whole lot - I believe it will be in this coming year, and I believe it will be amazing, but I don't know with whom, or where. I do know it's not with OMS as they don't have medical work in Israel. I know I already blogged about this - but I am just so excited and can't believe that He would choose me to serve Him there. I stand in awe.

#3. My devos from Streams in the Desert have been SPOT ON. Especially just the past few weeks. August 25th was all about being "shut up to faith". I cried as I read the following words:

Dear reader, are you in some great trouble? Have you had some great disappointment, have you met some sorrow, some unspeakable loss? Are you in a hard place? Cheer up! You are shut up to faith. Take your trouble the right way. Commit it to God. Praise Him that He maketh "all things work together for good," and that "God worketh for him that waiteth for him." There will be blessings, help and revelations of God that will come to you that never could otherwise have come; and many besides yourself will receive great light and blessing because you were shut up to faith.
                                                                                                               --C. H. P

I had been wondering since I got back to the States the following questions:
"What good am I doing here?"
"What ministry do I have?"
"What impact am I having on others?"
"How can I be serving God while here and on sick-leave?"

That days devos answered all of them. I am learning, as Paul learned: "Whatsoever state I am in therewith to be content."

#4. I thrive on music and the what has been on the Christian radio stations here has been just what I've needed. Especially Colton Dixon's song: "Through all of it".

#5. Community Church of Columbus - I have been able to attend this phenomenal congregation of believer's and have fallen in love with them!

#6. Singles 22-29ish - I've felt the Lord telling me this group will be a much needed support system in the coming days, and they already have been such a great encouragement to me.

Well I think that about wraps it up for me for now....