Shut Up to Faith

Wow...the past 3 months - June, July, and August have been rather turbulent to say the least.

I have had two hospital stays and been in the Emergency Department (ED) countless times.

Don't worry I'm OK, just having some mood swings and LOTS of pain due to the costochondritis which was diagnosed last year and I was assured would only last 2-3 weeks - well here I am 9 months in and STILL having heart attack like chest pains. Let me tell you - NOT FUN! I have noticed that since I've calmed down a bit, am not working, and am in a low humid climate the pain has decreased quite a bit. Amazingly.

I have also been having pain related to fibromyalgia which I was just diagnosed with while on vacation in...ISRAEL...that trip was wonderful and wow...wow...wow...so beautiful. I fell in love with Jesus on that trip...but I digress...I've had symptoms of fibromyalgia now for 15 years - hard to believe but it's true. I am hoping to get some medical treatment for that while here in the States. I am currently trying the "water cure" - but I am having a hard time drinking the right amount of water (6-8 glasses)

I have also been diagnosed with a tumor on my left ovary. I am currently waiting for insurance so that I can have surgery. Recently I was also told that I may have endometriosis.

I have been put on medication to help with the mood swings - ha - I keep saying - let's look at this logically - I am a woman number one - we HAVE mood swings; number two - I am homesick for Haiti - I was back ONE week before coming to the States for what was supposed to be a week long trip and has now no end in sight; number three I have a tumor on an ovary any chance that could be messing with my hormones? OF COURSE IT COULD!; number four I have fibromyalgia which causes pains to come and go; number five I STILL have joint pain from chikungunya - it went away for a few weeks in Israel during the first part of June but has been back now and seems to be worse in the mornings - my fingers, and feet are especially painful; number six I have am plagued by fatigue.

So while I take my medication for mood swings and talk nicely to my therapists - I really don't think that it is a whole lot more than a combination of the afore mentioned things, and am praying that someday I will be free from both the medications and the psychiatric visits.


So KNOW that you've read through all of the 'downers', let's look at some of the positives :D

#1. I have been saved since I was 5 years old, but it wasn't until I was in Israel that I literally FELL IN LOVE with Jesus. I don't know how else to explain it. He has loved me SO much. But it was if for the first time I began to see His hand in the details of my life, not just what He had done 2,000+ years ago, and not the amazing ways He's taken care of me since then, but just seeing His hand in EVERY aspect of my days, of hearing His sweet voice whisper in my ear: "Dodi (my beloved), I love you." Of seeing Him in a whole new way.

#2. While in Israel, it was as if my life was a mural on the wall, and God just took away the curtain and revealed so much to me - not only of what I had been through but of where He was leading if I would but follow - ISRAEL. Israel is the next step, the next stage, the next 'next' of God's plan for me. I don't know a whole lot - I believe it will be in this coming year, and I believe it will be amazing, but I don't know with whom, or where. I do know it's not with OMS as they don't have medical work in Israel. I know I already blogged about this - but I am just so excited and can't believe that He would choose me to serve Him there. I stand in awe.

#3. My devos from Streams in the Desert have been SPOT ON. Especially just the past few weeks. August 25th was all about being "shut up to faith". I cried as I read the following words:

Dear reader, are you in some great trouble? Have you had some great disappointment, have you met some sorrow, some unspeakable loss? Are you in a hard place? Cheer up! You are shut up to faith. Take your trouble the right way. Commit it to God. Praise Him that He maketh "all things work together for good," and that "God worketh for him that waiteth for him." There will be blessings, help and revelations of God that will come to you that never could otherwise have come; and many besides yourself will receive great light and blessing because you were shut up to faith.
                                                                                                               --C. H. P

I had been wondering since I got back to the States the following questions:
"What good am I doing here?"
"What ministry do I have?"
"What impact am I having on others?"
"How can I be serving God while here and on sick-leave?"

That days devos answered all of them. I am learning, as Paul learned: "Whatsoever state I am in therewith to be content."

#4. I thrive on music and the what has been on the Christian radio stations here has been just what I've needed. Especially Colton Dixon's song: "Through all of it".

#5. Community Church of Columbus - I have been able to attend this phenomenal congregation of believer's and have fallen in love with them!

#6. Singles 22-29ish - I've felt the Lord telling me this group will be a much needed support system in the coming days, and they already have been such a great encouragement to me.

Well I think that about wraps it up for me for now....

God's Plans

Hi Guys!!!!

Wow - I don't know what to say!!! Many of you know that I am currently in Israel on tour with Pilgrim Tours and Van Hodges from The Village Church - which supports my parents and is the church that my Mom grew up in and was married in. 

The LORD has been silent for a long time in my life but now he has spoken and it seems every day he is revealing more and more to me. 

I am so blessed, joyful, on fire, rocked to the core of my being at His love and goodness towards me. 

Since arriving in Israel less than a month ago He has shown me the next stage of my life - to serve Him here, in the Holy Land with His people. I don't know yet all that He has for me. But I do know that by this time next year I will be working here in Israel, LORD willing with OMS. 

I traded in my trip to Petra in Jordan to stay with OMS's national worker, Moshe and his family and get to know the ministry here better. I could not have realized the HUGE blessing that this would prove - and I'm only on day one of three!!!

My Hebrew is coming along - I am better at languages than I ever imagined - have learned the Hebrew alphabet already and can read some - slowly and haltingly - I don't know what all I am reading but that will come in time.

I continue to learn every day. Today I was able to play Round Robin with 4 Jewish boys this morning and learned the numbers 1-11 at the same time. :D 

I want to thank you all for the love, prayers, and support you all have give to me. I hope that you will continue as I take this next step in my walk with our loving Savior. 

There are still many things that need to be ironed out - but in His providence God has seen fit to reveal that which is next at the same time that all OMS Field Leaders will be in the States for the next month! So all things will be worked out in their time. 

I am also excited to see so many different things in my life that at the time seemed to be random but when viewed through God's eyes they reveal a masterpiece. Just one of these is that the Friday morning that I left Haiti I had an impromptu meeting with Prudence - the Head Nurse at the Clinic and Dr. Rodney the Clinic administrator - for the past 6 months we have been talking on and off about getting another nurse to help  me in my work - but the amazing interns which have been being sent my way have made it so that it has taken a back seat. This meeting was to discuss hiring one or more of Dr. Rodney's best 3rd year nursing students to come under my tutelage so that I can move out of the position of head vaccination nurse, head malnutrition nurse, and head pregnancy triage nurse, not to mention TB nurse helper. I thought that this was to be able to move me into more wound care type work - this may still be true - but for now I asked for a year to work with these students to train them up. For the first time since starting to work in Haiti I saw mutual respect, and unity between my two bosses! A miracle in and of itself!!! 

I look forward to this next year of tying up loose ends in Haiti and transitioning to life and ministry here in Israel. 

There is a godly man much like my father here, who is very strong and is a yes is yes and no is no type of person - I can already feel myself thriving under his leadership. I brought my Nook with me to Israel - which was a little odd - but I felt impressed to do so - odd in that I have a nook app on my phone. And it is heavier than I would've liked it to be. This was an other one of God's workings - on my Nook in full is my Birkman test results - which Moshe would need to read :D He came to the Hotel we were at in Tiberias to talk to the team he arrived early so that we could have an impromptu job interview that went really well. During the interview I was able to to read through my results and and realized that I need a strong leader in order to feel safe, secure, and to grow in who I am. This meeting was a success from my perspective anyway ;) Moshe is a little hesitant that I will not be able to make the long haul - give up and turn around after only 3 or 4 months when I realize the Holy Land isn't so holy. He doesn't know me yet. Haha - or my tenacity - or that I have been tested in the fires already - High School in England, as the only Christian - apart from my family, suffering rejection and verbal abuse every day for 5 years, learning to take God at His word and believe His promise of graduating from Pensacola Christian College - even if it took 6 instead of 4 years; and now the past almost 4 years in Haiti facing Dengue fever, discouragement, language acquisition, fighting against long held traditions steeped in Voodoo, and much much more. No, he does not yet know me. But he will. 

I have only joy in my heart as I write these words to you, my brothers and sisters. I have been amazed and learned so much not only about myself, but about Jesus, God, the Heroes of the Faith, ancient civilizations, and His Word. 

I think this is probably long enough, 

If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask.

Shalom,

Elida

Because He Lives

I woke up this morning from a dream where I heard a voice saying "Go get Ashira". Just those three words - repeated over and over. When I became more fully awake I expected the voice to cease - but it didn't it kept on with a steady fervency. I stretched and rolled over trying to fall back asleep -  but the voice kept on. Sleepily I got up, picked up Olaf (my cell phone) to check the time: 5:18 am. UGH!!! This was too early. Plus it was still dark outside and I didn't think I should be driving, I went to the bathroom thinking: "LORD, is this from You? Because a) it doesn't sound like Your voice and b) this seems ludicrous. Then I remembered reading something once that read along the lines of: If God asks you to do something and everything/one around you is telling you how CrAzY it is...DO IT! Without question - just do it!

I crawled back into bed with the voice still saying "Go get Ashira."

I picked up my Haitian phone, called Prudence. The rang and rang, just about the time I thought that she'd not pick up, she did!

In a weary sounding voice, she said "Hello?"

In Haitian culture it is always appropriate to first ask someone how they are doing, and about their family, before blindly rushing in with whatever problem or situation you have.

So, I said, "Good morning, Mama, how are you?" She said she was doing fine. I then asked how Ashira was? She said  she too was ok, had been crying a little but had just had her bottle, but she was ok now.

I said, "OK, it's just that I woke up with "Go get Ashira." running through my mind.

Would it be OK if I came and got her?

"Oh, YES Miss Elida", Prudence said, "You know, my mother is not here today, and I have to go to the Hospital, and I just don't know what I'm going to do with her, or how I'm going to take care of her today."

Now more fully awake, I said, "OK, give me a few minutes and I'll be there."

I realized I needed to take someone with me to get her, maybe I could wake Jen up, although I was sure she'd be none to happy with it. I pulled on some clothes and padded down the hall to her room. Arriving outside her door, I heard her alarm ringing.

I didn't *have* to wake her up, se was *already* awake. I slowly and with a few yawns, explained the situation to her. She agreed to come with me. She got up and threw on some clothes, used the bathroom and was ready to go in a few minutes.

I took that time to call Brett (my Field Leader) to ask him if it as OK that I take a vehicle, right now, still pre-dawn and get Ashira?

Poor Brett, he wasn't sure what a "shee-ra" was at first. When I said it was Baby Girl at Prudence's house. He said, that that was fine.

So Jen and I were ready to go, grabbing the Office key on our way out. We headed to the "Biwo", found the key to the Blue Truck in the dark (the city power was off, and the generator hadn't come on yet).

We hopped into the truck and off we went to Prudence's house.

We arrived a few minutes later, having just missed a cow as we came slowly up the hill and around the corner to Prudence's house.

Parking in front of her front gate, I jumped out and rapped on the gate door, it as quickly opened by someone inside. I gave a quick "Bonjou" and then headed up the front steps.

Prudence was just inside the house with a wide-eyed Ashira, we gave each other kisses of greeting on the cheek.

Then Prudence said to Ashira, "Oh God loves you so much! He is taking care of you. He has sent Miss Elida to take care of you." As she looked back at me she said, "Elida I've ben up praying since before 4 this morning wondering what I was going to do."
I didn't say anything I just smiled as we both walked out to the truck. Prudence with Ashira and me with her diaper bag.

We opened the truck door and handed a now sleeping Ashira to Jen. As I closed the door, Prudence wrapped me in a hug and whispered softly into my ear, "He knows. He hears us when we call. We don't have to be discouraged, He hears us."

Amen.

P.S. At the Easter sunrise service we sang many wonderful Easter hymns, the last of which was Because He Lives. As we started to sing the second verse, the tears welled up in my eyes and all I could do was silently praise the One Who had made all this possible with His sacrifice of love.

Because He Lives

God sent His son, they called Him, Jesus;
He came to love, heal and forgive;
He lived and died to buy my pardon,
An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives!

Chorus

 Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!

How sweet to hold a newborn baby,
And feel the pride and joy he gives;
But greater still the calm assurance:
This child can face uncertain days because He Lives!

Chorus

 Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!

And then one day, I'll cross the river,
I'll fight life's final war with pain;
And then, as death gives way to vict'ry,
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives!

Chorus

 Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!

 

Songwriters
MAHER, MATT / INGRAM, JASON / CASH, ED / TOMLIN, CHRIS / CARSON, DANIEL / GAITHER, BILL / GAITHER, GLORIA

Published by
Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Pain

Searing pain.

 

That's what woke me up at 5 a.m. Tension migraine starting in the right shoulder and causing intense searing pain behind the right eye. Wrestling with it for a bit I tried to consciously relax. When that failed, I got up and got a glass of water and some Excedrin.

 

Nauseous. Stomach cramps. Migraine. Shoulder pain.

 

Prayed Jezu, Jezu, Jezu - with every breath out I breathed His name.

 

I felt as though I was back in the throes of Dengue. Or that it was happening again. I remembered being bitten by a few mosquitos last night. Oh NO!

 

I asked Jesus, the Son of David to have mercy on me.

 

Mercy, mercy, mercy.

 

I got up and turned off the floor fan. I sat on the edge of the bathtub over the toilet and asked for strength. I spat a few times into the bowl but never heaved.

 

I found my lavender scented stress relieving neck pillow and microwaved it, causing the inverter to give off it's plaintive beep-beep warning before sending off it's long continuous beeeeep of death. No more power til 6. *sigh* I hoped it wouldn't disturb the rest of the house too much.

 

I came back to bed and pulled the blanket tighter around my shoulders. I wanted only to scream His name into the darkness - but I didn't want to scare Beth Ann who slept fitfully in the bed next to mine, so I kept on moaning His name sometimes in English, more often in Creole.

 

Asking him to hold me, to help me, to guide me. Asking if this was necessary, a thought slowly forming of 'how else are you going to meet a good doctor?' and thinking 'well, if this is what it took to meet my doctor husband it will be worth it.'

 

Less than a thought and more of a vision came of having to go to the States and leave home. Being wheeled through the airports with a bucket to be sick in. The airport security and personnel trying to get me out of sight of other passengers for fear of ensuing panic. Traveling without Doodles. Getting to a hospital and the nurse asking my blood type - smiling weakly and answering B+. Seeing IV's and life giving blood slowly drip into my exhausted body. Wondering if Doodles could be with me in the hospital - not a pet but an emotional support animal. Trying to convince Mom and Dad to leave my side and continue on with Teddy and Tiffany, that I was fine. That I just needed to rest.

 

After this vision I was again only able to cry out to Jesus slowly repeating His precious name.

 

I tried to touch my forehead and cheeks for any sign of a fever, I've been told that if I ever have a fever that goes over 101 I need to be back in the States within 24 hours as it could be a second strain of dengue which could in turn cause a hemorrhagic response. I didn't feel warm but rather chilled, even with the semi-warmth of the neck pillow and the blanket.

 

I felt as I had during the delirium of dengue - as though I could just barely grasp onto one thought, and all I wanted that one thought to be was Jesus.

 

I finally fell back asleep. 

 

I had the faint idea of His wanting my only thoughts to only be about Him all of the time and to fall in love with Him.

 

He didn't stop there...

On Sunday - November 22nd - I had a 'God-moment'. It's taken me awhile to decide if I should share it with you all as it's fairly personal. But I think I should.

I was sitting in church...we'd sung "Great is Thy Faithfulness" - one of my favourites! And I was just thinking really...and He surprised me.

I was thinking about getting back to Haiti, and giving my missionary family the gifts I've started to collect for them...

That led to deeper thinking...or bitter-sweeting ;) I guess you could call it.

While the first thought was giving me joy a second thought, a much deeper, darker thought coursed through the channels of my mind. This bitter thought was a reminder of my loneliness (writing it here it was probably an attack from Satan) because as soon as I felt the 'sting' of that thought I started wishing I was married and had someone special to give gifts to or even some special someones.

I was feeling thus, when I heard His gentle whisper.

He called my name. "Elida."

"Yes", I breathed out the question.

"I love you."

I smiled.

But He didn't stop there. He knew I needed to hear more. He knew I needed to hear truth.

"I love you more than you can fathom."

At this point I had goose-bumps and was awash with overwhelming thankfulness...

But He didn't stop there.

"I know you are lonely, and scared of growing old, of growing old without kids."

At this point I started to cry - these were all true, but things I barely admitted to myself. I waited breathlessly to see if He would stop there? With my fears? With my failings? With my frustrations?

But He didn't stop there. He continued:

"I know this - all of it - and I want you to know..."

Yes, yes? Lord, what DO You want me to know?

"It's OK...It's going to BE OK...I've got a beautiful plan for your life."

A fall back to His promise in Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." He had given me this verse when I was a teenager, struggling in a barren place. And here He was reminding me of it once again.

But He didn't stop there.

"Remember - I love you."

I was almost crying out loud at this point.

But He didn't stop there.

"And I love to give good and perfect gifts to My children. Just as you, My precious child, get so much enjoyment out of blessing others with your gift of giving which I've given you."

There.

There is where He stopped.

Not until He had spoken to me with words of affirmation, not until He had stripped me bare, not until He had voiced the fears I try to hide, not until He had let me KNOW His plans, not until He had offered me a glimpse of Who He is - LOVE. Not until then, did He stop. Not until this one tired, frightened, lonely child of His KNEW she was LOVED in the deepest way possible.

Blessed is the one who waits.

Today's reading from Streams in the Desert has once again been exactly what I've needed as I face another uncertain day.

Many of you know that I flew out of Haiti on November 12th for a quick trip home to surprise my Mom for her --th birthday!!! She was COMPLETELY surprised!!! For I think only the second or third time in her life!! 

Video still of her saying: "I think you got me." When I asked if she was surprised?

 This trip was part of a week's vacation that I was taking and I should've already returned to Haiti. My flight back was on Saturday, November 16th. 

But because of recent health issues - namely unexplained chest pain. My reservation was cancelled and I am currently in limbo. The MD advised NOT returning to Haiti until this issue was sorted. 

I had a stress-echocardiogram done on Monday morning. And am now awaiting results. I've heard from the MD, he has my results and thankfully, due to a cancellation will be able to see me this afternoon at 1pm to go over them and talk about the next step. 

So, I am waiting. 

I don't know for how long I'll be 'held' here in the States. I *want* to get back. 

I am enjoying my time back with my family - currently staying with my parents, and my live-at-home-single-mom-sister, and nephew. It's been great! Especially as Teddy is 8 months old, crawling...EVERYWHERE, upstairs even! LOVES to laugh - is as sweet as he can be and LOVES his "Tanti" Lida.

While this is true, I did have some anxiety over leaving Haiti and the possibility that I might just get 'held'. but Sweet Jesus! He dealt with my feelings of anxiety over leaving Haiti for longer than I expected before I even left! Reminding me it is MY job to follow, it is HIS job to lead. 

Just a few days before I left, in my devotions was the reminder that Abraham had to sacrifice Isaac WHERE GOD DIRECTED. It was not just enough to be WILLING to sacrifice his son, his beloved son, whom he loved, but to do it WHERE God directed. I was impressed by the fact that God has called me to sacrifice - usually I see that as ON the mission field - but this time He showed me it was the Mission Field I was sacrificing. And doing it where He leads me, following Him.

These past few days I have felt fixed on Him. Ps 57:7 and Ps 112:7 have both been the verses I've pointed people to as they've asked how I am. 

Ps 57:7 - My heart is fixed, O God, my heart is fixed: I will sing and give praise.

Ps 112:7 - He shall not be afraid of evil tidings: his heart is fixed, trusting in the LORD.

So, this morning, as I woke up at 5:15 and could NOT get back to sleep, I decided to have my devotions an hour early...I'm so glad I did! 

From November 20th, Streams in the Desert: 

"Blessed is the one who waits. (Daniel 12:12)

Waiting may seem like an easy thing to do, but it is a discipline that a Christian soldier does not learn without years of training. Marching and drills are much easier for God's warriors than standing still. There are times of indecision and confusion, when event the most willing person, who eagerly desires to serve the Lord, does not know what direction to take. So what should you do when you find yourself in this situation? Should you allow yourself to be overcome with despair? Should you turn back in cowardice or in fear or rush ahead in ignorance? 

No, you should simply wait--but wait in prayer. Call upon God and plead your case before Him, telling HIm of your difficulty and reminding Him of His promise to help.

Wait in faith. Express your unwavering confidence in Him. And believe that even if He keeps you waiting until midnight, He will come at the right time to fulfill His vision for you.

Wait in quiet patience. Never complain about what you believe to be the cause of your problems, as the children of Israel did against Moses. Accept your situation exactly as it is and then simply place it with your whole heart into the hand of your covenant God. And while removing any self-will, say to Him, "Lord, 'Not my will, but yours be done' [Luke 22:42]. I do not know what to do, and I am i great need. But I will wait until You divide the flood before me or drive back my enemies. I will wait even if You keep me here many days, for my heart is fixed on You alone, dear Lord. And my spirit will wait for You with full confidence that You will still be my joy and my salvation, 'for you have been my refuge, [and] a strong tower against the foe' [Ps. 61:3]." - from Morning by Morning

      Wait, patiently wait,
      God never is late;
Your budding plans are in Your Father's holding,
And only wait His grand divine unfolding.
     Then wait, wait,
     Patiently wait. 

     Trust, hopefully wait,
     That God will adjust
Your tangled life; and from its dark concealings, 
Will bring His will, in all its bright revealings.
     Then trust, trust, 
     Hopefully trust,

     Rest, peacefully rest
     On your Savior's breast;
Breathe in His ear your sacred high ambition,
And He will bring it forth in blest fruition.
     Then rest, rest, 
     Peacefully rest!


I think that which stands out to me the most is this thought: I will wait even if You keep me here many days, for my heart is fixed on You alone, dear Lord.

L-R: Grama (Mom's Mom), Tiffany (Teddy's Mom), Mom (My Mom), Me (?' s Mom ;) )

Just as cute as he can BE!

Just a quick note

I took my Advanced Creole Exam on Friday at 4:00 p.m. I was just able to get the results back this evening at 6:45 p.m.

Hallelujah!!!!

The exam included grammar, a short composition, watching (a DVD) and writing (paraphrasing what was seen - NO NOTE TAKING DURING THE DVD!), and conversation - speaking and listening.

Each section was worth 25 points.

I scored 20/25 on the Grammar, 24/25 on the composition, 23/25 on the watching and writing and 23/25 on the conversation!

So thankful to Charlotte and her WONDERFUL teaching!!! To HaitiHub for getting me started! For Wadner who was my first Creole 'teacher' back in 2007. For Frantzy who helped tutor me, to Greg, Calaine, Ketlye, Miss Prudence, and countless others who have helped me all along the way!

Praise be to God, great things HE hath done!